Part I -
Wedding
Jenn and I
recently traveled to Dubai for a short 4 day trip. It was the wedding of an old friend of Jenn’s
and probably the only time in our lives where we might have a reason to visit
one of the world’s most extravagant cities.
Ah yes,
Dubai. After spending a day in the
frivolous city, a stark contrast to our lives in Congo, we both agreed that
Dubai is “all fashion – no function”.
From the tallest building in the world, to some of the world’s largest
malls (and coming soon – The World’s Largest Mall!!), to the world’s largest
indoor ski hill (that must be an oxymoron), Dubai has it all, provided you want
to ignore all natural elements and cultural history.
Many say
that the US is commercialized and too materialistic. However, the people who
live in Dubai make your average American look like the Amish. It’s a constant race from air conditioned car
to air conditioned mall, back to the air conditioned house. Aside from the occasional sand dune rides for
tourists, and the waterpark “Wet Wadi”,
(which was awesome) I didn’t hear much in the way of outdoor activities – or
activities at all. We saw one baseball
diamond in our week there, no soccer fields, or even fields for that
matter. We stayed near an outdoor
jogging area surrounding a pond. It was
a man-mad hole with some water in it which I suppose one could run around,
provided it got below 40 degrees at some point.
Then the avid outdoor enthusiast could enjoy jogging around the concrete
water hole and take in the beautiful sights of the skytrain station on one side
and, you guessed it, a mall on the other*.
(*note: This is where Jenn’s idea
of a “sarcasm font” would be most useful).
The
buildings are gaudy and impressive , but altogether unnecessary. Most buildings are well below capacity, or
have simply been abandoned. I would
wager a bet that there are enough vacant hotel rooms in Dubai to house the
entire city’s population. Many remain an
empty shell. The Emirate (mayor/ruler)
of Dubai, rich from oil money, has decreed that all building constructions
continue, regardless of high vacancy rates and a not so bright future. One local told us the Emirate (each city has
one in the Emirates) are essentially in a pissing contest for which one can
build the “best” city (read: most obnoxious/flamboyant). It seems like Dubai is
“winning” right now. I give it about 10
years (at best) before the realization that this empty concrete monstrosity has
been a huge waste of money and resources and the city collapses onto
itself.
Their primary focus is
on tourism. “If you build it...they will
come” is the mantra of the Emirate of Dubai.
It seems that 90% of their “tourist attractions” are meant to hide you
from the location itself with air conditioning or fake snow. Jenn and I call it
mall tourism. I don’t think it will
require many trips to Dubai before one realizes there are plenty of shopping
malls where they are from and no need to fight customs to get into this Muslim
country (it cost us 3 hours and $500 each for our travelers visas!). To top it all off, because it is a Muslim
country, they do not allow anyone to purchase alcohol without a license. One cannot obtain a license unless they are a
resident. The best you can do is having
a drink at a hotel – but you are then not allowed to leave that hotel if there
is any alcohol in your system. Not that there is much reason to leave your
hotel. There didn’t seem to be much in
the way of things to do (although Justin Beiber happened to play his first
concert in a Muslim country while we were there..but more on him
(unfortunately) later). I did hear there are some great night clubs. I’m not sure if they are allowed to drink
there or not. Travel all the way to a
foreign country to stay indoors at all times. At one point in our trip we
agreed that “Dubai – It’s Vegas, but without the fun!”. No gambling. No drinking.
No real sightseeing. No culture. No entertainment. For a better (and even longer) description of
Dubai, a must-read is from a Vanity Fair Magazine article we came across: (http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/features/2011/04/dubai-201104)
At least read the
first page, it’s priceless (and he almost says “Dubai is like Vegas, but
without the fun” verbatim!)
But I
digress. Now to the point of our little
excursion.
The nuptials of Jenn’s friend Holly,
a beautiful Australian flight attendant, and Oliver, a tall suave German pilot who she met only 6 months
prior. There were 43 guests, who
traveled from 14 different countries to be there! The setting was on the famous “Palm Island” at
an amazing hotel on the water called “The One and Only”* with a view looking
back across the water to the impressive skyline of the city. The vows were exchanged outside under a
bright blue sky and everyone was looking international and fabulous. The
reception featured no shortage of amazing cuisine – much to the delight of Jenn
and I after so many nights of fried Congo fish & boiled plantains. The bar was open and the dance floor was
lively (I only dropped Jenn once...oops!).
(*A
humourous aside – it turns out that there are two hotels in Dubai called “The
One and Only”. Of the 43 guests only one
person went to the wrong “One and Only” and it turned out to be one of the few
guests who was actually born and raised in Dubai!)
As the
night wound down, people began to retire into the desert night. Jenn and I hailed a cab back to our
hotel. Realizing that we didn’t have
enough “Durhams” for the cab, we asked that the driver stop at a gas station so
we could get cash at the machine there. I put my card in, and entered the appropriate
numbers. A screen asked me to be patient
while they processed my request. And
remained....and remained... After some
time, I started button mashing, and hitting the screen. The patrons of the gas station asked what
was wrong, and I informed them that it appeared that the machine had frozen
with my card inside. Some heated words
were exchanged between the gas jockeys, myself, and Jenn – and we were accused
of breaking the ATM and told to leave.
Jenn & I were adamant that this wasn’t about to happen without my
bank card (I didn’t really have any access to money without it since the Dubai
machines weren’t recognizing my 2 credit cards).
After
unplugging/re-plugging the machine to no avail, and becoming genuinely disgruntled
at the situation, Jenn and I decided to leave the gas station, without any
money or my card. The taxi had left once
it was apparent I couldn’t get money with my card, and Jenn couldn’t either
since the machine was frozen. We then
started walking in direction of our hotel, many km’s away, in hopes to come
across an ATM Jenn could use. Suddenly,
after a few blocks of walking, we were chased down by three or four Police cars –
full lights & sirens blazing! At first I
thought they were driving by, but when they got to us (the two best dressed
folks wandering the streets of semi-rural Dubai), slammed on the breaks, and
accosted us, it was apparent that we were the target of their pursuit!
It took
a while, and some threats, for the police to convince me to get in the car, and
few more threats by the police to get Jenn in.
We were told we had to come to the police station for questioning
regarding breaking a bank machine – I mean physically breaking it... Ridiculous! How the hell do you break a bank
machine?? Maybe with a sledge hammer
& a pickup truck – but bare hands in a suit? I tried to explain that the machine froze,
but the police were adamant (although they refused to visit the “crime scene”
to verify the vandalism).
Upon
entering the Police station, Jenn and I engaged in both joint and separate
“verbal exchanges” with the authorities.
There is a reasonable chance that we were not entirely level headed or polite with them at this time (around 2-3am). I do recall at one point referring to Dubai
as being in a “piece of $#!% third world country!!!” ...while at the same time my
lovely Jennifer in the adjacent room saying something along the lines of “I
can’t wait to get out of this god forsaken country!” Upon later reflection, it is probably not wise
in a police station of a Muslim country - who thinks of itself as the greatest
Nation on earth - to simultaneously malign both their god and country...
Jenn phoned
the Canadian Embassy around 3am who advised we do not separate, no matter
what. After 2 hours or so in detention,
the Dubai police informed us that they needed one last 5 minute interview with
me, but Jenn couldn’t attend. We argued
with the police for a good 15-20 minutes, and eventually caved. We agreed that
I would go into the interrogation room for the 5 minutes while Jenn waited
outside, then we could both leave.
That was stupid...
To be continued
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